Trying to piece the pieces

Hello sunshines,

I have been writing a bunch of random words lately and hoping to make something coherent out of them, but to no avail. Maybe it is because adulating is taking more time out of me or because it is almost time to visit my bestie on Oahu. Whichever it is I have writers block in some shape or form. But as I type now, I come to realize something that I felt that I should share. 

As you may know in a few of my past post that I am engaged, and with this knowledge you know something bits and ends of me but not in a more formal way nor of my fiancé. So I wanted to write about us. To show the world the amazing man that I am to marry soon and how passionate and understanding he is of my passions.

The way we met ~like when we actually spoke to each other~ was a little interesting because I wouldn’t have normally been in that type of situation, at all, if I was in control of my mind. We met a friends party and I had met him a few times before but we didn’t talk nor did I remember meeting him…. I know I am horrible but to be honest when I am in a relationship noticing other men isn’t something that really comes to mind for me. I mean I will still be friends with humans of a different gender but checking out guys or flirting never came to mind. So for me when we met was when we had our first conversation. Because that is the furthest I can remember. At our mutual friends party it was kind of a sleepover. Mainly because there was drinking involved and his parents didn’t want anyone driving after drinking. He was also dating my friend at the time and she wanted me there with her since she didn’t know anyone either. There was much bickering and arguing with her since I am not a party girl, more of a wallflower kind of gal. But alas, she won and we went to the party. My only request was to let me sleep in their room since I knew them and no one else. They agreed and the party began. IMG_9602It was a pretty laid back party honestly. I didn’t drink mainly because the taste is horrendous and I don’t understand the concept of drinking other than it tastes bad. Plus I have a allergy to the fermented yeast in any beers. It was pretty fun for the first part of the party, when it started to get darker, that is when things took an interesting twist… It was about 9 in the evening and I was falling asleep because I was just sitting around as the rest of the people were playing video games or conversation with one another. I decided instead of looking like a limp noodle I would move to the bedroom and sleep. When I approached the room the door was closed and I grabbed the handle to open it and realized really quickly I was locked out. The two main people that I knew locked me out… I was to fend for myself in a sea of bodies that were all the same to me since I knew no one else that well or if I did not that well. At that moment I began to pout… I know I am quite the pathetic type when there is nothing that I can possibly do. To be respectful to those around me I went out side and sat on one of the benches and stargazed. I was hopping that my friend would notice that they locked me out and come get me. A few minutes turned into an hour and I was still twiddling my thumbs. Then from behind me I heard a voice.  Low and behold my future fiancé behind me asking me if I was alright, that is the moment things began to turn for our future. We began to talk about things, here, there, cohesive, incoherent, we just kept things without filtering anything whether it was offensive or not we just talked, spit words that felt so natural.

Before we knew four hours had past and I started to feel the tired in my toes. My eyes looks as though I had done drugs, he walked me back into the house, where I found myself still locked out so I decided to sleep on the couch where everyone else was sleeping which was uncomfortable for me. But at that moment it didn’t matter to me I was to tired to be uncomfortable.

The next day we went to Twin Falls in Haiku to swim and hang out more. Since there wasn’t a room for my friends to lock themselves in I got to hang with them, I was telling my friend about my fiancé and what we talked about, all the while blushing as though it was going out of style. She told me that she was happy I joined her that weekend and I had to admit it wasn’t half bad, she also chimed in to remind me I was single now and that she didn’t want me to stay depress and that it seemed the party helped. Which she wasn’t wrong, but during my conversation of him, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to act on my feelings as he was in a relationship. Long distance but still a relationship all the same and I am not that type of person. I would have to wish from a far.

When the day was over and everyone was going their separate ways, my friend asked me if I was alright because I was staring into space and being quite. I told her I was and that I just had a lot of things flying around in my head at the moment, she quickly snapped at me and told me to stop thinking about my ex ~he wasn’t the best relationship I have had~  so I understood about her concerns, but I told her about what happened the night before and her face, gosh her face was so light up that I thought she was like a lightbulb about to burst from the heat. She smiled so big and hugged me. She was so excited but I explained to her that he had a girlfriend and he receded back into her seat with a pout of a child being told no more candy before dinner. I told her that it was alright and that we were going to be friends. After a looooooooooong moment of silence she broke it by saying, “your prettier though”. I laughed so hard at that moment, she didn’t know the girlfriend nor what she looked like, but I knew she was just trying to make me feel better, although I didn’t feel bad before. That was the last time I saw or heard from him, until two years later.IMG_8110.JPG

Lets fast forward a few years to 2013. My best friend and I were at the mall to hang out and I was telling her about how I was thinking about joining the army because I wanted out of the island and it seemed like the best option to do so. She freaked haha I mean we were friends for about 17 years so I get why, but she begged me to walk around before inquiring so we could talk more about it. Which I agreed since I knew how sensitive she was. As we walked around we talked about the army and why I wanted to in more depth and as we decided to leave and after I had promised her I would take a few more days to think about my decision I noticed someone in Fun Factory. Although it had been about two years since I saw him and the fact he was turned away from me I knew who it was and before I could process and think my body was on a mission, if you know me well, I don’t run. Like ever. But I ran then and I slammed into him for a hug and I pressed my face in the small of his back like it belonged there. When he turned around the look on his face will forever be etched in my mind because he was elated to see me. That made me melt because I thought if anything I would have been the only one that was happy. But the fact that it was mutual I was giddy with happiness. His other friends were there and I said my hellos and hugged each of them. I also introduced myself to a friend that I didn’t know. After the pleasantries, he and I went on a conversation to each other. I was like no one else was there. IMG_8131.JPG

When we all had to leave he asked me for my number, I was hesitant at first but I neglected it once he told me that he was single. I didn’t want to ruin something that he already had. He noticed and he comforted me. We went on our separate ways but we texted that day and the days following like it was going out of style. We hung out a few times, there were a lot of factors that hindered any progression in our little flower, but once I was able to pull all the surrounding weeds our relationship took root.

IMG_9004 Our relationship has become the most treasured thing that God has graced me with. I am so excited for our future together and the memories we will make. the passion that this man has is memorizing, he is such an inspiration in my life and the fact that I am allowed to marry such a man is a gift that I will never forget. He steadies me when I cant on my own. He is my cheerleader in the background when I do things to be better.

His childish ways isn’t because of immaturity but because of how he sees the world. He sees the fun in almost anything that he does, he always tries his hardest even if he fails, he continues to push. He is an amazing role model for myself since I suffer from depression.

The smiles that I have are always because of him, he makes me feel happy. And the fact that I can call him mines is just such a blessing. Life was quite muted until I met him. Our relationship is a friendship before all else. He is my best friend then my fiancé soon to be husband.

I know this is a lengthier of posts but I wanted to take the time out to show my appreciation to my number one fan for my blog.

Until next time ~


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